A Wish For War

Gentlemen,

I used to wish for war.

The kind you see in movies and read about in books.

The kind where your life is on the line for a just and noble cause. The kind where you defend the defenseless, eradicate evil, and return home in triumph and glory.

The kind of war that is so unequivocally just and worthy of fighting that when your head hits the pillow long after the fighting is over, you sleep soundly, knowing in the depths of your heart that you will one day answer to your Creator about the deeds you have done and do so with no remorse or guilt.

I longed for it, truly. There is still a part of me that believes there is a piece of the masculine spirit reserved only for those who have been in life or death combat. A part of life - and perhaps a glimpse of Truth - that only those men will know.

There is an innate draw to war in us. The polarizing nature of it is magnetic to a man’s soul.

The tragedy and ecstacy of it all.

The deepest bonds formed with brothers; the deepest pain felt at the lose of them.

The longing for home; the felicity of returning to your family if you’re blessed enough to do so.

The dread of heading to the front; the ecstacy of leading a charge.

I’ve never seen combat, but I wonder what it’s like.

I wonder how I would fare.

I wonder whether I’d act with courage.

I wonder if I would lead men effectively and resolutely in battle.

I wonder if I would die.

I wonder if I would live and if I did, what parts of me would never make it back home.

I wonder how I would handle the loss, the grief, and the tragedy of it all.

I wonder how I’d find a new mission.

Perhaps you’ve wondered the same.

I even wondered for a while why I wanted for a war in the first place and was suprised to find that my want was in vain…

There is no need in wanting something that is already here. There is no use in reaching out your hand to grab something already at your chest.

We live on a battlefield and have our entire lives. War is an inescapable undercurrent of life. We are warriors in a war that was waged long ago, in the Garden of Eden, when man fell from God.

This isn’t the type of war fought on foreign lands with guns, bombs, and armies. It’s fought right at home, in your front lawn and even in your house.

It’s fought at your work, it’s fought in your marriage, it’s fought with your children, it’s fought with your friends, siblings, colleagues, and strangers.

Much like combat, this is a fight for your life and those of loved ones. It’s a just fight with a noble cause and an evil enemy.

The enemy is elusive, cunning, and deceitful: familiar, yet unrecognizable. The enemy knows your defenses and strategically weakens them before attacks. The enemy is not your boss, it’s not your neighbor, it’s not the president, or some foreign party.

The enemy is you.

The enemy against whom the battle of life is fought is the lower parts of your very own self. The part of you that exists in all of humanity, that lives falsely and in vain. The part that attempts to bring forth hell into the world.

The enemy is the teacher of falsehoods and the motivator of malevolent deeds. The enemy is the power that compells us to decieve, lie, hurt, and manipulate those around us and ourselves.

The enemy is like a cancer of the spirit; it feeds off of it’s healthy host only to, in the end, consume itself into darkness. The enemy is the antogonist of life, growth, and beauty.

The enemy is the voice in our head that encourages us to tell that lie, watch the p0rn, mislead that person, skip that training session, cheat, steal, break that promise, fall short on that commitment, speak badly about that person, consume that poison, blame that external party, elude responsibility, worship the mundial and profane, pursue that cheap dopamine, quell that big dream, live slothfully, stay inside, and wallow in our sorrows.

That is the enemy.

Fortunately for you and I, that is also the vanquished.

The result of the battle is a forgone conclusion, resoundingly in our favor, dependent only on our willingness to fight.

You and I’s willingness to pick up the sword and face the enemy and continue fighting until we are no longer able, is the prerequisite for victory.

Both the vanquished and the victor live within us, and it is up to us which is which at the end of our days.

We are warriors at heart, in body, and in spirit. We were made for the war we find ourselves currently in. We have no need to wish for war, for we are in the midst of one now.

May your sword be continually sharpened, resolve ever increased, and courage always exercised.

Onward & Upward,

Nolan

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